Kojo could not help it anymore. He excused himself and went out into the balcony. The weight of issues that were seeing the light of day in their conversations could bury him. It did not even sound real. The narrations from Richard did not sound real. It sounded like the was telling a story of some distant human they did not know. Sadly, the story was coming from the lips of their very own family, who had to go through the worse in the hand of their closest family.
He wanted to feel indifferent about what he had heard for close to an hour of non-stop speaking from Richard but no. Nobody could simply excuse the realness of a young man who had had to struggle through life in the unkindest way. Even when he thought he was used to certain bits of the story, he felt his soul break at a point. The balcony suddenly felt stuffy. He walked unto Jeremiah’s compound and took a walk toward the back of the house, while he was still lost in thought. It was not even as if he had something running his thinking intently. What he was trying to do was to avoid thinking about it. His mood worsened when they heard the cry from the kitchen. To rush in there and see a grown man in his worse state of brokenness and sorrow, he just felt worse. Even when they had to help him off the floor, Kojo was so distracted by the matter, he had to be nudged by his wife. He only heard later that the wife had decided to separate from him and take the son along because of some issues of infidelity. Jeremiah tried his best to explain the matter, leaving the real detail out. Kojo was just shocked. Kojo’s very questions were why did he even cheat in the first place and why would he do that to his family, even after such a tragedy? Why was it always that these issues became hindrances to the existence of peaceful families in our communities? Why is it that a man had to always make this particular mistake of crossing the line?
What pushed many men to this point of infidelity anyway? Why had it become so much of a fashion that men tended not to care? So much that society had a very glorified defence which men easily accepted? The notion that men were cheaters? Kojo just kept asking himself all these because he just did not know how society arrived at this acceptance and he wondered if society also realised that this acceptance simply imploded in men the audacity to keep up such deviant behaviour. Now someone’s home is ruined because of such deviance. To add, Jonathan’s home would and is not the first and only home to have been crushed because of this. So, what was the pride about ‘men cheat’ anyway? What was the benefit anyway? Just because you could excuse your wife to enjoy yourself with another woman? It was not as if Jonathan and Comfort had any issues to even warrant his behaviour. That was not even an excuse for anyone to give for such behaviour. As Kojo paced up and down, he also thought of Nancy’s case and how similar traits had led to the shattering of her home. Her pride even made things worse for her son and today, here they were, unable to deal with the trauma Richard had to overcome. She made choices that have become webs, which have trapped her son in so much anger and pain, rather than simply ruining her own life.
These choices never ruined the life of the chooser exclusively. That bothered Kojo a lot and that was why his life was always centred on the well-being of his wife and children. He believed strongly that he was surely leading his entire family. Thus, one wrong move was the trigger that could set off a spiral of destructive events. It was not as if it was just about the men anyway. The choices of a mother were as equally important to the home. Richard lived with his mother throughout and it was her choices that heavily influenced Richard. Kojo sighed.
Just as he walked toward the mango tree at the back of the house, he was startled by the sound of the back door. It was the last person he wanted to be in the same space with. It was Jonathan. Kojo’s head spun for a few seconds, while he was trying to balance a judgmental mindset with the benefit of the doubt. He was also trying to imagine the words to say to him should a conversation come up.
Jonathan had still not recognised the presence of Kojo in the backyard. Kojo was looking at him instinctively, trying to see if Jonathan would realise someone was there. Jonathan had a bottle of some alcoholic drink he hadn’t seen before. Of course, he was not into alcohol so he was not obliged to know. If it was just some soft drink he would have easily identified it. The scene in the kitchen flashed in Kojo’s mind. At that moment, he heard Jonathan grunt. Kojo just knew he had realised then that Jonathan had seen him.
Kojo’s eyes met Jonathan’s. They were both hesitant as to who should approach who or who should speak first. However, Kojo decided to walk up to the bench where Jonathan had gone to sit. He was still wondering if they could have a solid conversation with one another.
‘You left them in there?’ Jonathan said, almost as if he was talking to himself. He poured himself a drink and took a sip.
‘Yeah. Ermm I had to. I think that they should have all the time to themselves. At least Richard needs to talk to his father…’ Kojo replied.
‘Mmm, I see. Richard… Unfortunate child…’ Jonathan said. ‘Care for a drink?’
‘I don’t drink alcohol…’ Kojo said with a smile and rested his body on the bench. ‘I seem to enjoy the sweeter stuff.’
Jonathan giggled. ‘Soft stuff? Then how do your problems go away? Because if you were in my shoes, I don’t think you would want to face these troubles with soft stuff.’
‘But is it always the matter that your problems are blown away? After the drink burns your lungs, do you feel any better?’ Kojo inquired while Jonathan was sipping more of the hard stuff.
‘There is a good feeling at least. Your mind just swoops as if everything is over. At least for a few moments, you forget that what is happening is happening. You just get into the thrill of the stuff and yeah, you are a bit okay for sometimes,’ Jonathan said.
Kojo was still wondering what else to say to him. He would have chosen to advise him against intense drinking. It was clear that it would lead him to feel and be more miserable than before. And it would keep him coming back to the bottle. The bottle was no solution to the issue he was facing. However, he did not know how to even hold a conversation with him about it. He wanted to be sincere with him but that he was not his friend, it was difficult for him to say. The silence became deafening at a point.
Jonathan suddenly asked, ‘But if you are not into the hard stuff then it means you do not have any troubles because… because… you don’t have problems…’
‘That is an assumption. It is an assumption. How can I not live without any problems or challenges coming my way? I also have my fair share of issues but none of them have caused me to touch the bottle or make the bottle my friend…’ Kojo said. Finally, he had found a way to express his true sentiments and above all the truth.
However, Jonathan had a counter. ‘Maybe your problems are not as much. You haven’t cheated on your wife. You haven’t had your wife desert you because of something awful, disgraceful! Your home isn’t broken and impossible to fix.’
‘The truth is I agree with you. My home is not on fire. My home isn’t broken. My marriage isn’t in shambles. But, what is also true is that I have serious problems too. They may be different but it does not mean your problems should undermine what I face. And none of that should be contributing factor to your choice to drink. I believe the drink is simply a habit that can give you a film of joy when you are down. It is already something you do. It is something usual. But it just becomes magnified because you want to feel some relief…’ Kojo said.
‘Mmmmm. Mmmmm. You speak well. But until you are faced with it, I doubt you can say what is and what isn’t about the issue. You have no idea what I did and how that has eternally wrecked my family. That choice, that slip, that error, that mistake, that foolishness that has ended my marriage is soul-searing. I cannot restore myself and it is only this way that I can feel a bit better. I just cannot believe how this has happened to me so I can only give it up to the bottle. This,’ Jonathan said, raising the glass which was filled with some of the drink, ‘is just the way out for now. All my life, I have never cried since I was a child but today, this afternoon, you just saw me on the floor of my friend’s kitchen, weeping and wailing. A man at that point is a finished man… I don’t think I will ever be the same…’
Kojo sighed. ‘I don’t think you are finished.’
‘Brother, you have no idea.’
‘Listen, listen. The situation of now will paint that picture that you are done for it. It always is so. However, after a while, it becomes obvious to all that the problems are not absolute definitions of who we must be and how we should subsequently live our lives. Is it that you will wallow in the pain and nightmare of what you are experiencing with this drinking rather than looking forward to what you can do to fix things or how best your life can move on from here? Would you rather stay in this place of ruin, with support from this, this hard stuff that is known to deeply ruin people and magnify their miserable state? Because I don’t think that is what you want to happen. Your son is counting on you. At least, he is not someone you would want to give up on. You already lost Risa. You made mistakes, and you have regretted the kind of life you have lived. Your life is no example to your son or anyone else. However, you would want your son to see you in light. I don’t think he would be proud of this, of you drinking yourself to a stupor. That would be the worse scene for him… that the end of his dad is some wretched rich man who’s been destroyed by alcohol.’
Jonathan sighed. He thought for a moment and put the glass aside. He rubbed his face with his palm and grunted. Indeed his son needed to see a good example, a good version of himself to survive. Kojo went ahead to mention how Jeremiah had remained a good example for Richard to come back to when he was ready. Indeed, if Jeremiah had chosen to mess things up because his marriage had failed and his wife had vanished, Richard wouldn’t have a father to glean to today.
‘So, although your wife is not okay now, she is not asking for a divorce. That is a bit safe. A separation is not good but at least, things are not that bad. Stay sane my brother, for the sake of the woman you still love and for the son you still have to raise with your life as an example. We all fall but honestly, the biggest problem is remaining as a fallen man. Your son has his whole life ahead. Even if it is 29 or 30 years from now, he will still need to live by what he has seen you exemplify! So, I don’t agree with this alcohol thing. It will not save you but rather destroy you.’
Jonathan could not believe that someone he barely knew could make him feel this better.
‘But you see, it is not as easy as you are saying it. It is not that I cannot live to the standard of a good example for my son. I have been doing all that – although the dark sides of me have been unknown to him. Even now he will never know unless my wife tells him. And she will not. So, I can probably live up to a standard but that would be some face value. What haunts me within, what makes me feel terrible, the horror of my life and how I have lived it will not go away that easily. Look, I cannot erase the fact that…’ and Jonathan hesitated. His daughter’s face flashed in his mind and he closed his eyes. ‘The fact is that I would have to live with what happened forever. I would have to endure it. And that is not easy.’
‘My brother, I am not even encouraging an easy way out of your situation. What you cannot do is stay here and keep thinking of easy ways. Life is not generally easy. You are a top man in the political arena and surely, you have had to make decisions that were not easy. I believe it is similar to this. You want to sit here and wish that your wife came back to you and that your infidelity is erased from records and that is the problem. You don’t want the conversation about it to even come up. Even your daughter’s death is something you would rather excuse than acknowledge and live through. But that does not work. Someone will realise you and your wife have separated and that will beg for a conversation. Someone will surely ask how you are feeling now and that will surely beg for a conversation. The avoidance of these conversations is no solution to problems. Not talking about pain, about the truth of why you did what you did, about infidelity, about divorce and separation; not initiating conversations with our children, to know how they feel, how they think and what they are up to are not the solutions. We feel these conversations are not necessarily important but it always leads us to the solutions, to freeing our knotted chests of the pain and doubts. At least, as I am talking to you, we will all come to this realisation that you need to stand rather than remain on the ground because you have been crushed by life. We will all realise that although you’ve been burned to ashes, it is just momentary because the beauty lies in the lessons learned. There is no easy way out. You cannot even convince your wife right now. But at least, you have access to her and your son. Let’s not undermine that with she has left you. Yes, she has left but the world and your life are not over. They are an integral part of your life and you will still have to live right and do right by them,’ Kojo said.
‘That is some real talk,’ Jonathan muttered, nodding his head in agreement. ‘But let me take a last sip of this stuff. I need a good shot. Forgive me though, it’s the last.’
Kojo smiled at him. Jonathan smiled back.
Selorm Dogbey 
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