FATHER’S DAY – A Reflection

FATHER’S DAY?

Well, believe you me when I say it was the most peaceful day yesterday. It was almost as if the entire universe had conspired to infuse me with a certain reclusiveness that made me stay away from just “throwing about happy Father’s Day” as a wish.

One of the things I am growing to appreciate is that level of immense sincerity with self, such that I am not thrown in a bandwagon. It is not easy for life to place you in that position sometimes — where you would just have to get down in that wagon just to feel good and okay. But it happens.

This year, I just turned off. I went about my normal Sunday duties alright but I was off. I was off not because I was worried or sad or down and out. I was off because I realised how much the absence of my father — thanks to life’s realities (death) — had pushed me to end up appreciating father figures around me so much that I hadn’t taken time to reflect on:

1. Who my father was
2. What he stood for
3. How best I remember him
4. What value did he bequeath to me as a growing man for today and years to come

As I said early on, the bandwagon is real — you are so quick to replace and forget because of the pain of loss. You are so in a hurry to respond to the most physical and immediate arms of love outstretched to you that you may jump a big cart. You may end up erasing all the good good good lessons and the presence of that parent that you should carry along for the rest of your life. Clearly, that fault isn’t yours because truly, some of us haven’t had an easy journey without fathers for years now. Those around us do a great job of caring but trust me, what is irreplaceable is irreplaceable and it is never the same – even on the score of the pain felt in these times and forever.

So, this year, I basked in my zone.
I remembered my father and reflected on all the life he shared with us and what he would have me become. I reflected on his values — what he stood for while he still had blood in his veins. I thought about all the fine memories and how that can influence my today. And I was just fine like that.

And it taught me a lesson.

The speed with which we always want to fit in and never left out can really disconnect us from what our true realities are and deny us an opportunity to be sincere with ourselves.

It is not as though I do not appreciate all the father figures around me. I really do and it’s super amazing – their presence I mean. However, I also believe that the best way to be shaped as a man is to learn from every turn of page in the life of the one who is your blood – whether mother or father. Until you can situate yourself in that soil, growth will be cast in the image of others who may not understand who you are and where you truly come from.

For many here (and we see it every year) some other people take dominance than their biologicals and it makes me smile. Trust me – those others can help you but you will always need your roots, your originals, the ones whose blood run through your veins. You will need pages out of the books of those who birthed you for shaping, moulding and direction.

And I am glad I was so thought-full yesterday.

We celebrate our fathers. Dead or alive!